Students say the darndest things

Excerpts from actual student exchanges in the last week of the semester:

From an email an AP junior sent me:

Are our second quarter grades finalized on OnCampus? I am trying to calculate what I need to get on the final.

Because it is possible to game my final exam to get exactly the score one needs to get the grade one desires. Since there wasn’t that much studying to be done for my AP exam, why wouldn’t he just try to do his best? Yes, I should have grades updated – but not for this reason!
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From an email received at 9 PM the day before the freshman English final:

dear Mrs. h I understand this is kind a late to be asking for this but is there anyway I could have a little extra time to finish up my double entry journals. If not is there anything else I can do?

Sincerely, John Smith

Sent from my iPad

As the freshmen read The Fault in Our Stars I asked them to keep a double entry journal on worksheets or in their notebooks as a way to annotate as they read; it was to both incentivize their reading and they could use their notes on their final exam. I’m not sure why this student thought having extra time to complete these and finish reading the book after the exam would do him any good. Also, I appreciate the desire to make up work at the last minute after seeing students waste their class time for the last two weeks when I gave them work days…at least he attempted to format his email the way I have taught them.

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From a sociology presentation on whether psychopaths and sociopaths are born or made:

Student presenter: “One of my sources suggested as many as 4% of psychopaths serve in CEO or high profile positions.”

(Silence from the class as they digest this. A few hands raise tentatively)

Me: She said 4% of psychopaths are CEOs; NOT that 4% of CEOs are psychopaths.

(Hands lower)

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Beginning the AP final exam:

Me: For my sake grading, I prefer you use a blue or black pen for your essay instead of a pencil.

Student: Can I use a red pen?

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From my freshman English final:

Quote: “A plague o’ both your houses!”

Student explanation: Mercutio spoke this, and he meant that he wanted both of the houses to be plagued.

I asked them to provide the context and significance of each major quote. There were varying degrees of success, obviously.
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In the freshman hallway before the second exam day:

Girl: Is the biology test hard?

Boy: It was pretty easy if you studied.

This young man is a GENIUS. He’s got us teachers all figured out!
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From my freshman English final:

“I think Juliet changed, because she matured into a stronger woman. She was younger and Romeo was a little older, so Romeo must have been interested in her because of her maturity.”

No comment.

The semester is over! Now onto the grading of the final exams!