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Guest Blogger: Pregnancy Abroad

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Today’s guest blogger is a dear friend of mine from MIDDLE SCHOOL. Also a sociology major, she did several years teaching in the Peace Corps in Indonesia (you can read about her travels at Relentless Pursuit of Tikkun Olam) before marrying and becoming permanently fixed in Indonesia – and she’s having a baby! She kindly shares her experiences with pregnancy in a non-Western culture.  

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Hello readers,

I am Sarah, one of Lizzy’s friends from middle school. It baffles me that we have only seen each other maybe once since 2003 (at a Noodles & Co. in Minneapolis, MN in college, and a skype lecture in TX), but the internet is an amazing thing. We have managed to keep in touch over the last…15 years. Wow. We are getting old!

Quick background of who I am and why I have been invited to blog today: Like Lizzy, I graduated in 2011 with a teaching license. Like Lizzy, my major was Sociology. Like Lizzy, I now teach Sociology and English at the high school level. While I could blog about my experience as a teacher, she has asked me to blog about my experiences as a first-time mom. The twist? I live in Indonesia. 🙂

I ended up in Indonesia with the Peace Corps from 2012-2014, teaching English in a village in East Java. Wtih 10 weeks to go in Peace Corps, I met a wonderful Javanese man, Vallen. Despite a whirlwind romance for those 10 weeks, I returned to the US in July 2014 because I had already accepted an AmeriCorps position in Colorado. In 2015, I returned to Surabaya, Indonesia, where I have spent the last 3 years teaching English and Sociology at a normal, private Christian high school. Vallen and I married in July 2017 in Minocqua, Wisconsin. We returned to Surabaya less than a week after the wedding because we had to get back to work!

10 months later, I find myself entering my 9th month of pregnancy here in Indonesia and facing many unique challenges. This is due to many cultural differences that we face as a married couple.

It is fascinating to study Sociology and Anthropology. Sometimes when you live a culture, it is a different story. It can be frustrating to feel the constraints of a different culture’s beliefs in such a sensitive time as pregnancy.

Thus, I give you…

Javanese/Indonesian beliefs surrounding pregnancy and childbirth

It is hard to separate whether or not the beliefs are Javanese or Indonesian in the same way that religious practices are hard to separate as being, let’s say, a purely Catholic tradition or an American Catholic tradition. So please read the following blog with a sense that what I share could be a Javanese belief or it may be a belief held by other Indonesian ethnic groups as well.

Thou shall not kill

Both the expectant mother and father are not allowed to kill anything. The idea is that in order for our baby to be healthy and safe, we too must keep the creatures around us safe. This doesn’t sound so bad, except my 40-year old rented house has a plethora of bugs.

Mosquitoes? I usually zap them with an electric tennis racket and they die on the spot.

Ants near my kitchen table? I swipe them off with a tissue.

For the first few days of pregnancy, I simply waited until my husband left for work and then ran around the house, frantically swiping my electric racket. This secret bug killing mission was fine until rainy season began with a deluge in late November. I walked out of my room (in the near dark) for pregnancy night bathroom break number 1, and I thought I saw something. I flipped on the light and there were about 7 cockroaches crawling out of a hole in my bathroom door frame. The water-filled pipes from the rain had them running for safety. Bursting into tears, I ran back to my room. 

My husband, being the dedicated Javanese person that he is, refused to kill them. The reason was simple: “You are pregnant. I can’t kill them.” Instead, he put plastic bags on his hands and proceeded to catch every single one of them. They kept coming. There were about 20 roaches that first bathroom break time. Each proceeding bathroom break involved lots of light and just doing my best to dodge the one or two remaining ones as I ran to our other bathroom. Morning arrived after a night of tossing, turning and tears. I decided to spray the bathroom like crazy with an anti-bug spray. This backfired big time. I found the holes, sprayed, and about 20 more cockroaches proceeded to run out. Tears and a cold sweat ensued. Vallen’s plastic gloves went back on and he caught them all again. Scarred for life, I check the bathroom every day, to this day, before I go in. If I see one, there is no hesitation on my part to smack my flip-flopped foot down on the devils and kill them in one smash. I’ll take my chances with bad karma.

Thou shall not rip bags

When eating almost any meal, many Indonesians love kerupuk. It’s a type of crunchy, airy cracker usually made of rice flour. The mixture is piped into these whirly shapes, dried in the sun, and then fried. It tastes nothing like a Quaker Oat rice cake. It can be flavored like garlic, fish, or shrimp, to name a few flavors. One day we were casually eating lunch with my in-laws, and I reached over to open a bag of kerupuk. Some context: you can eat many meals directly with your right hand (the clean hand) here in Indonesia, including a rice-based meal. My hand right hand was covered in sauce, so I was going to rip open the bag with my left hand. Vallen, whose hand was also covered in sauce, stopped me in my tracks and asked our sister-in-law, who still had 2 clean hands, to untie it for me.

I felt that this was a bit extreme. Why should she be bothered to untie this bag for us when I was perfectly capable of ripping it open? Turns out, expectant parents should not rip  open bags if they can be untied instead.

The tied bag represents the umbilical cord, and it must be well-maintained. We should symbolically unwrap the tied bag so the umbilical cord will also stay well-kept.

Thou shall not climb stairs

I understand that the center of gravity of a pregnant woman changes. However, all my coworkers are very concerned by my stair-walking, which I have done since Day One of my pregnancy and that I continue to do now. The parking garage for our school is 2 floors underground, so each day begins with a sweaty, slow climb.
Once in the school building, I am frequently asked, “Miss, why don’t you take the lift?” even for moving up or down one floor. I just decline politely and say, “I’m just getting exercise!”
I tried to explain that many Americans live in 2-story houses, so we are up and down the stairs all the time. It’s not forbidden for pregnant women to take the stairs here. People are simply worried about me falling and consistently comment on my use of the stairs. As a result, it makes me feel as though I am doing something a bit rogue!

Thou shall not drive

Indonesians lack transportation safety. There is no way around that fact. Motorcyclists with no helmets whiz around the streets with goats/chickens/a million beans/a baby hanging off the back of the motorcycle. In rural Indonesia, it is the norm for a woman in labor to be driven to a midwife by motorcycle. She is often driven home (by motorcycle) later that same day with the baby in her arms. I have vowed to never allow anyone take my baby on a motorcycle. My husband thinks it is hilarious to joke about doing this, and I will never cease to get mad when he does
The difference between the city and rural areas as well as the rich and poor is quite large. My coworkers would never encourage me to take a motorcycle while pregnant or with my baby.
However, they are also very concerned that I drive myself to school in a car. I feel like I can’t win. Some Indonesians think driving a motorcycle while 8 months pregnant is fine, and some think that driving a car while 8 months pregnant is pitiful.
From what I gather, my coworkers seem to believe that everyone has the luxury of a husband who can drive his wife to work before he himself goes to work. This is not my family’s case.
They suggest Uber instead, so I don’t have to drive. For an American woman, this extra cost and lack of independence is not that attractive. Thus, I drive myself to school in my car. I asked an American friend if she stopped driving towards the end of her pregnancy. She said only when the contractions came!

Thou shall not wear a seat-belt

I had someone tell me just the other day, “Miss, no need to wear a seat-belt if it will be uncomfortable on your belly.” I ignored that advice in a heartbeat!

Thou shall not cut thy hair

Pregnant women should not cut their hair. My husband said, “You don’t want to cut any life when you are pregnant.” I felt it was not the best time to argue that hair was already dead. I’ll just wait one more month!

Thou shall not leave the house/village for 40 days

After giving birth, I am not supposed to stray far from the house for 40 days. I did some Googling on this on, and it is not actually a bad idea. The more newborns are exposed to crowded places (malls, schools, markets), the more likely they are to get sick.
Some Javanese families forbid the new mother from going anywhere. For some families, it is more of a tradition to respect. Because I have 2 college friends coming to visit when my baby is about a month old, I asked my husband to check far in advance about this rule. I don’t want my friends to travel to the other side of the world just to sit in my less-than-ideal house. My mother-in-law said it would be okay for us to hang out when they come. Whew!

Thou shall not eat pineapple

Pregnant women strictly avoid eating pineapple. After Googling, I found that it is true that uterine contractions can be caused by eating pineapple. However, most American pregnancy websites I have visited don’t have any indication that it should be avoided.
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I’m sure this is just scratching the surface of what I am not supposed to do. Here are some things I have heard or observed in Indonesia that are generally pregnancy related.

 

Guessing the baby’s gender

Even in the US, we have the idea of carrying low vs. carrying high or carrying wide vs. carrying narrow to predict gender. I have heard Indonesians say it both ways.
Carrying in front means it’s a girl, but for some, carrying in front means it’s a boy. Indonesians must not be reading the same sources.
One neighbor woman consistently exclaims, “That’s a boy!” when I walk by her. I said that the ultrasound indicates that it’s a girl. She vehemently disagrees. One day I walked by and she declared, “It’s a girl.” I nod in agreement. 2 days ago, I walked by, and she declared, “That’s a boy.” I have given up trying to figure out her logic!
Indonesians have also told me that I look nice. While I feel that I consistently wore mascara and earrings before I was pregnant, they seem convinced that I look nicer, meaning that my baby is a girl. Her femininity apparently inspires me to look better than I normally do. I personally assume it has to do with coming to school by car now instead of motorcycle. Now I don’t have motorcycle helmet hair every day!

Bathing the baby

In Indonesia, because it is so hot and humid, everyone, babies included, bathe two times a day. After the bath, the parents rub a warm oil on the skin and then cover the baby in powder. I am curious how an American pediatrician would react to a newborn being bathed 2 times and then covered in a warm oil and powder…anyone have an answer?

Baby’s sleeping place

Our baby will be sleeping in a swaddle with no blankets, pillows, sheets, extra mattresses or anything. SIDS is real.
In Indonesia, comfort is real. Babies get their own little sleeping pad, a relatively flat pillow, 2 bolster pillows so the baby doesn’t roll over, and sometimes, a mosquito net. The net looks like the cover of a serving platter! Serving up one baby!

 

Planting the placenta

For the Javanese, the placenta is not something you toss out. The hospital gives it to you in a plastic bag and you take it home and plant it next to your house. One coworker said that they bury the placenta so that the child will always know where home is and never go too far away. To ensure that no animals come eat the placenta, you cover it and use a light. One friend told me that the light keeps ghosts away. I told my husband I have no interest in seeing the placenta, so he will have to bag it and take it home himself!
 While I am sure there are many more beliefs surrounding pregnancy, birth, and newborns, these are the beliefs that I can share for now. Wish me luck on this journey of motherhood as I learn what it means to be a mother on the opposite side of the world!

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